Goddamn it..

okay. I’m writing this for the sake of writing it. its like I have so many freaking ideas running through my head while i don’t have my computer with me. Now that i’m sitting in front of the computer, i cant write shit. damn. really running out of stuff to write. any suggestions?

IF

IF you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream – and not make dreams your master;
If you can think – and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build ‘em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
‘ Or walk with Kings – nor lose the common touch,
if neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And – which is more – you’ll be a Man, my son!

If, You Can Do That.

Communicate.

So. Have you guys ever wondered, what happens if two person does not communicate? whoever, mother-son, father-son, girlfriend-boyfriend, best friend-best friend and etc. Assuming that, it is one of the those which were mentioned above. what the hell is gonna happen if they do not communicate. personally, i think they’ll all be in deep shit. Pardon me if you don’t agree with me. You see. the very basic thing that we human do is to communicate. when we do not communicate, shit happens.

It's Important.

If one party totally confine themselves and refuse to communicate these are the thing we’ll probably get:

1. Real Shitty things, Both party starts to think ‘why hasn’t the other person come to try to talk to me, man, the cold war is suppose to end now..’ as time passes, both party eventually forgets and think that, god, why would i need that asshole. Sad case, big time.

2. When people don’t communicate, they tend to believe in rumors and kind of like, get a ass-kicking feeling. This is exceptional for those who has real strong trust built in the first place.

3. the real serious thing that can happen in this scenario, probably the shittiest of all. goddamn. ASSumptions, when two party doesn’t talk, they dont wanna go to each other one way or another. Man, bitch! isn’t that the most dangerous thing? life goes on, and they ASSUME that the other person know what they’re thinking, and they know what the other person is thinking. holy fuck, gimme a break. there goes the chaos, everything is just getting started to get fucked when this happens.

Now. do you see the damage the lack of communication can cause? Goddamn it, if you still can’t, its either i suck, or you’re a moron. pick one.

till then.

-Kiaos Tan-

Pig And Duck

‘Sohai.. Fuck You, move your ass..’ ‘You Talking to me?  bitch? you crazy?’

That’s probably how the conversation starts whenever we meet each other and it will usually end in no where.  yea. That’s me and my cousin Daryl.

its been 12 years. We just knew what to say to each other we never ran out of topics. and those memories we have. man. they kick ass. I’m just glad that I’ve found my my priorities again. I’ve been neglecting so many things for the past one year. which is totally dumb shit. and i hate the fact that i actually did that. damn. doesn’t matter that.

That's Us

this is the picture we took when we went frazer hill last Aug holiday. The weather is cooling up there. nothing much, just, food, talking and some mahjong. lol. Having said that the weather is cold up there, just perfect for come beverage huh? Just the right thing to warm you up a lil. well. it was around 12 i suppose, after he was done talking with dai sou. we head out to have a drink, just outside the ‘mansion’ we stayed in. Just Us and the beer, man, that kick ass. its been really long since we last did that.  Sitting there, with my cousin brother, kind of made me realize how much i’ve been neglecting my family for the past one fucking year. last year, i cant seem to remember the last time i actually had a talk with Daryl. Ever since we are young, we can never stop, NEVER, stop talking. We often talk till the morning, it sound gay i know. its just the shit we bitches been doing since then. Until i went kl last holiday, that’s when we actually sit down and talk. Both of us realize that how much we have lost touch with each other after one year. goddamn it, i asked ‘jesus, man what the fuck is wrong with you, you didn’t know that?’ ‘Man, you didn’t tell me shit, i ain’t pope you know’ Serve me right. i didnt bother to tell him anything, man, son of a bitch, i actually neglected my own brother? that’s real shit. I told him how shitty life was and for the first time i actually feel different, its just different from others. he just know what to say.  we spent the whole night talking at mamak stall with our roti telur and teh tarik, patching things up, i’ll call that updating the ’system’. xD. Its real shitty when you neglected the important people in your life, all those things we’re after, we give in in order to please them, to get it, to stay outta trouble. we’re so obsessed that, we forgot our own real purpose in life. To Be Me. Who we are suppose to be. son of a bitch, why was i such an idiot? i got this figured out back in God knows when, i gave in, because i wanted to blend it.. son of a bitch, yea, thats what he’ll say. lol.

Taken In Australia few years back.

we often laughs at stupid stuff we’ve been through over the years. We need not speak, one look is enough. even our cousins sometimes wonder what the heck are we laughing about. i think my life now is getting back on track, where its suppose to be, where i want it to be.  When i said sorry to him for neglecting his ass for so long, he told me ‘what past is past, what are brothers for, bitch?’ i guess he’s damn right. asshole. till here. just an update for you guys after so long.  was having some prob with my computer.apologies for that.

this post is dedicated to you, Bitch.

-kiaos tan-

And So i Ate..

This is bad. very bad in fact. i jog just now. and i ate. and its not eggs nor meat. its carbohydrates!! shit. i’m dead. real dead. this is no emo post. this is purely a random post. i should be doing my interact stuff. what am i doing in wordpress. gosh.. i think i’m gonna blog later. should i? i don’t know. Important thing is. i ate. shit. i ATE! ok fine. seems to me that i’m losing my determination these days. gonna go back to old kiaos in no time. zz. till here. i’m think there’ll be an update. i suppose. later? yea. when i’m done with my reports and proposals. damn.

-kiaos-

Your Sunday Sermon

Pick From : Raja Petra Kamarudin(NO HOLDs BARRED) – 5TH JULY 2009

They say there are two types of people. There are leaders and there are followers. 1% of the people are leaders while the majority are followers.

Within these two categories are further sub-categories. There are good people and there are bad people.

Within the good people category, they can again be subdivided into two more categories. There are people who are good by nature and there are people who are good because they are scared of being bad. If they were not scared of being bad then they would certainly not be good because being bad is more fun than being good.

And within the bad people category there are people who are bad because they are bad by nature while others are bad because they feel they can get away with being bad without getting caught or that later they can always repent and become good whereby they would be forgiven for all the bad they have done.

And this is why people need religion. Religion stops you from being bad and forces you to be good. Without religion there would be no stick and carrot. You get the stick when you are bad and you get the carrot when you are good. It is a form of punishment and reward system. You get punished when you do bad and you get rewarded when you do good.

In short, religion works on the concept of the bribery system. You are bribed through the punishment and reward system when you do bad and good respectively. And since most people are susceptible to bribes they would conduct themselves accordingly depending on whether they wish to be rewarded or whether they do not fear the punishment and do not care much for the rewards.

Over thousands of years mankind has had to conduct itself based on what religion tells them they should do. Religion has been the guideline for our conduct long before the invention of the police force and the legal system comprising of laws and courts.

The history of religion, however, is a history of violence, persecution, cruelty and brutality. In the name of religion mankind has been subjected to much suffering.

The question is who invented religion? And is religion something that God sent us or something that man created to conveniently oppress and suppress fellow man?

I do not wish to engage in a debate as to the existence of God or otherwise. There are some who believe that there is a God (or Gods). Others believe in the existence of a higher power although they are not quite sure what it is and whether God is the correct word to use for this higher power. Then there are others who believe that man is the product of nature and not of a higher being named God or whatever.

I leave it to you to decide how you came to be.

All religions have what we could call holy books. The ‘main three’, also called the Abrahamic religions, have the Old and New Testaments and the Quran. A study of all three holy books would reveal that there are a lot of similarities and overlapping doctrines. You would not be mistaken if you were to think that the three Abrahamic faiths are actually one faith divided into three sects. Of course, these three ‘sects’ are further divided into many sub-sects who are at most times in conflict with one another.

Man has a natural instinct to be bad. But they are forbidden from being bad basically because the religion they believe in forbids it. If the religion they believe in were silent on the issue then most would choose to be bad rather than good. But they have no choice but to be good because they fear that if they are bad they would receive punishment and not receive the rewards promised to good people.

You could say that most people are not good by nature but are reluctantly good. It is not that there are no good people who are good by nature. There are, although they would be in the minority. And you will find that most of the people who are good by nature do not have any religion. Some do not even believe in God. They are good just because they are, by nature, good and for no other reason — in particular not because they believe in the system of rewards and punishment that religions propagate.

Has religion succeeded in its job of turning us into good people? Or has it instead turned us into hypocrites? How many of us are good because it is in our heart and how many are good because we have no choice but to be good? If religion were silent on what constitutes good and bad and if there are no rewards and punishment for being either what kind of person would we become?

That is something to ponder upon this Sunday. And before you adopt that holier than thou attitude and start moralizing, ask yourself: are you really a good person who has earned the right to preach or are you actually a hypocrite who is not really good but is just a coward who does not dare become a bad person like how you would rather be if given that opportunity?

Time To Work Your Brain. lol. Chao.

-Kiaos-

Apologies.

My Apologies to All My Blog Readers for neglecting my blog for quite some time. i’ll come up with an update as soon as possible. sorry guys. life’s been hectic. I’ll copy a post from my dad’s blog and post it here. its a nice one. till then. chao.

-Kiaos-

光辉岁月

光辉岁月

钟声响起归家的信号
在他生命里，彷彿帶点唏噓
黑色皮肤给他的意义
年月把拥有变做失去
疲倦的双眼帶著期望
今天只有殘留的軀殼
迎接光輝歲月

风雨中抱緊自由
一生经過傍徨的掙扎
自信可改变未來
问谁又能做到
可否不分肤色的界限
愿這土地裡 不分你我高低
繽紛色彩閃出的美丽
是因它沒有 分开每种色彩

光辉岁月.. It means The Best Time of our life. the lyrics really mean a lot. to and to accept. to embrace the difference. that is how things are suppose to be ain’t it? i wrote this post because of something i saw yesterday afternoon. well. i just bathed and getting ready to go out for lunch cause sachin stood me up. as expected. when i was grabbing my helmet and was ready to go out. i heard this song playing downstairs. in the streets. wait. no. something is singing. there was music playing even since i got home from school. i didnt pay much attention as i thought it was some digi promotion campaign and shits. now that it has got my atttention. i wondered to myself. who would be singing in the streets.  out of curiosity i went downstairs and i sang along. then i saw.

a man on a wheel chair. singing this song. and another man walking with the help of the walking stick.  behind him. pushing the speaker as they walk. i dont know why. lots of things suddenly came to my mind. thoughts. emotions. look at them. they might not be able to live like a normal person like we do. they can never run like we do. nor can they go do the sports they like. but. this two man. they never give up their life just like that. they didn’t go and beg for money. they decide to EARN their living instead. They did not give  up despite what God gave them.  who are we to say that our lives are too difficult and we wanna give up? i’m not trying to compare here. i’m just saying that you think you can’t stand it anymore. think about it. there is more who are worse out there. well. that works for me. it actually cools me down whenever i’m down or depressed. i would often sit down. get myself a drink and think. even stare into the sky. and think about my loved ones. think about all those good times in my life. and how lucky i’m to be able to sit there and have a drink. aprreciate and live for the moment. life is short. WHY NOT give it a BLAST. both the men have really touched me. i was actually speechless when i saw them. i quietly went over to them. gave them a smile. and i took 15 bucks from my wallet and gave it to them. that is the least i could do. i respect them for what they are doing. they’ve earned it. before i left. i gave him a pat on the shoulder. and he said ‘thank you so much.’  maybe i’m the first to give so much. well. i’m grateful that i’m able to give. till here.

-Kiaos-

Thoughts.

‘If You Love Something,

Set It Free.

If It is Yours,

It Will Be.

If It Doesn’t Come Back,

You Were Never Meant To Be.’

Quoted by,

Anonymous

I happen to hear this from somewhere.  Which I think is something that makes perfect sense to me now. In Life, we move on. and on. well. it is tiring i know. how many of us is living a life we want. or have an idea of the life we want in the future. i’ll say those who think about it are the odd ones. Would we rather live a life like everyone else does and just be a part of the society, or. Jump out from the box. look into it. and then. Look OVER it. find yourself. Who you are. and what the heck do you want in life. Some live their life till their last breath, holding on to something. a promise? a burden? or a secret. which they were not able to let it go before that. i believe that all of them regreted that. let me tell you a story that really make perfect sense to me. which i read from an email. Titled ‘The Mayonnaise jar’

‘The Mayonnaise Jar’

A professor stood before his philosophy class
And had some items in front of him.

When the class began, wordlessly,
He picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar
And proceeded to fill it with golf balls.

He then asked the students, If the jar was full.
They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured
them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly.
The pebbles rolled into the open Areas between the golf balls.

He then asked The students again
If the jar was full.. They agreed it was..

The professor next picked up a box of sand
And poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else.
He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded
With an unanimous ‘yes.’

The professor then produced Two cups of coffee from under the table
And poured the entire contents Into the jar, effectively
Filling the Empty space between the sand.
The students laughed.

‘Now,’ said the professor, As the laughter subsided,
‘I want you to recognize that This jar represents your life.

The golf balls are the important things – your partner, family,
children, health, friends, favorite passions and your Maker.
Things that if everything else was lost
And only they remained, Your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter Like your job, house, and car.

The sand is everything else –
The small stuff.

‘If you put the sand into the jar first,’ He continued,
‘there is no room for The pebbles or the golf balls.
The same goes for life.

If you spend all your time And energy on the small stuff,
You will never have room for The things that are
Important to you.

So….

Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness..
Play with your children.
Take time to get medical checkups.
Take your partner out to dinner.
In fact regularly keep shining up those golf balls as we too often neglect those that are most important to our continued and long term happiness!

There will always be time
To clean the house and fix the disposal.

‘Take care of the golf balls first –
The things that really matter..
Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.’

One of the students raised her hand
And inquired what the coffee represented.

The professor smiled.
‘I’m glad you asked’.

It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem,
there’s always room for a cup of coffee or two with one of your friends.’

Just a short story. Yet. Tells us so much about life. Priority. Doing something you love doing is so much easier than doing something that you don’t give damn about. set your priorities right. at least know what are you priority. We do not have to care about what the world thinks about us if we know where we are doing. We don’t even have to give damn. we do not owe the world an explanation. we only answer to our loved ones. because we know that they care. they do not just merely WANT TO KNOW. its a very simple concept. we cannot put the things into the jar in a wrong sequence. otherwise there will not be enough space for all of them.

We all have this Mayonnaise jar in our life. we’ve been trying to fill it in different ways as we are changing. our life changes. So do our priorities. Whatever it is. maybe. after reading this post. you realize that you have got the sequence all wrong. don’t worry. Hold on. Take a deep breath. Pour them out of your jar. put them back into it with the sequence that you think you would want. Remember. It is never too late. it’s  Better late than never. learn to love and appreciate each and everyday. every moment. i’m not telling you to live at the present and not to think for your future. but rather. being able to do both and a balanced measure. so much to enjoy in life. live your life as you would want it. Be You. No one else.

Cherish and hold those who are dear to you. people like these once they have pass you by. they might never come back. do not be afraid to treat them nice because you are afraid that they might betray you. this is never the way to make friends. we make friends with a sincere heart. a real and sincere attitude. be you when you are with them. if they cannot accept you for who you are. that is just too bad for them and i think you’re BETTER OFF without them. till here. chao.

-Kiaos-

Consequences

I’ve found that. in life. things you do bring consequences. some are minor. some cannot be undone. and some changes your life completely. but sometimes in life. we can’t just be so concern about what IF. we will miss out some stuff in life. maybe just minor stuff. some experience. they are just experiences. maybe after you took the risk to experience them you find that they are not worth taking at all. maybe not. but. hell. its a experience. you’ve been through it. anything you do. you have to be conscious of the consequences and ready to face it. that is just life. i guess. people always say its easy to say. well. i dont know. i really dont. this is a random post.

i just have this crazy thought in my mind. ignore the people ignore the consequences ignore it all. do what you want and prove something to yourself. i’m  not thinking sane i know. but. its just my thought. and screw it. i’m really tired and restless. consequences. self confidence can sometimes be so strong that it overpower your sanity. i just feel so tired of doing the right things. and just feel like. dont think about the consequences. what am i gonna do. CAN i do it. if i know i can. go ahead and do it. that kind of stuff. i just feel that. its been so long i’m trying to think and think. what not to do and to do. what is good and stuff. i cant really remember anythin that i did that i regreted. i actually got that feeling again. just a lil of it. i feel like following my heart

and that is crazy. responsibility. i feel that its sometimes so heavy on my shoulder i wanna let them go. but. its not just about you. sigh. not about myself.i cant get away from it. no one can. sigh. i just feel so restless.. no more what if. just. what you gonna do. i wish i can be like that. no worries. no burdens. no responsibility. screw it. big time. this restless feeling.