-All About Us-

Being Me. Despite The Changing of Things.

Late night thoughts

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One of the rare nights where I am still awake and my princess is asleep. These past few weeks have been a bliss. After achieving our milestone in our relationship. I feel that we are as strong as ever, having to come so far in our relationship. It is just something heart warming about having someone to accompany you to sleep and to kiss you good morning through the phone every morning. I know that we may be busy throughout the day. But the little silly lunch time or break time text is the things that get us through the day. And the simple gestures we make daily to find ourselves of each other. That I think is trust and dedication to built sonethjbg, as a couple, to grow, as partner and ultimately, to achieve our life’a goal together as husband and wife, I know we will, in many years to come.

I am just so grateful that you are always understanding, although you may throw a little tantrum at first but ultimately you try to be accepting and understanding of my insensitive which is the source of your misery. I am trying to be better firstly baby. I am. Please please just beat with me :*

You have probably heard this a thousand times. But I am going to say it again. Marking the last day of of 1 year and 2 months together. I am just so glad and feel so blessed to have you this silly chipmunk back in my life :’)

Missing and loving you always. Your Eggy 😉

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Written by Kiaos

June 29, 2015 at 10:56 pm

Posted in Life

Half A Year

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It would have been my best trip back home if not for the passing of grandpa. But I guess life goes on.

Time does flies. It has been almost 7 months now with my cheeky boo (: I must say life could not have been better. It would have been so much more harder if it wasnt for her that was there for me at my time of grief.

Every morning, I wake up the first thing I want to do is to talk to her. The last thing i want to hear when i go to sleep is the sound her breathing. Whenever I see a smile on her face or when I make her laugh out loud through the phone, I feel a sense of achievement and fulfilment. Every thing just feels right when i talk to her, we connect, on a cultural and spiritual level, we think alike, and we have many common things to talk about, to be honest, I have never experienced anything like this in my life. I have also never felt so committed in my life before, I see us in the next 3 years of our life, in fact, ‘we’ are part of my planning for the coming 3 years. How can one know so well and be so sure only when 7 months has gone by? I do not know, But 1 thing I do know, I dont rush to make commitment and i dont get attached easily, the same applies when I make a new friend, but once I do, It is for real. I keep reminding myself that how blessed am I to have you.

Having said that, We do have our ups and downs. Like every other couple, but I think what distinct our relationship from all the others is that understanding, put ourselves in the other’s shoe’s attitude at this early stage of the relationship. People say there is a honeymoon period in every relationship, that everything is well and good in this period of time, and again we have been able to talk about all the possible obstacles and have asked ourselves and each other all the hard questions, even before we got together. That is what’s going to make us last, I believe and I am still working on it everyday.

Sometimes you may throw a small tantrum, but hey you are a girl, you can throw a little tantrum at your boyfriend cant you? 😉 I also realise that you sometimes may just feel moody and sad for no reason, honestly, I dont like it when I see you like that even more so when you shut me off, but hey, that is just you, I cant change who you are. I do believe that you have changed a lot since the past, I can see your effort. You are trying hard for us I know, Just know that I will always be supportive as long as we always remember out golden rule (: Being together means accepting all of the person that you are with and you have done that for me and I will do the same baby. I am still in awe of how clingy I am to you at times and how much I am affected by the little things you do and words you say, I guess this is how falling in love feels like. I also keep reminding myself that, as time goes by, life might get busy, and we may not have the time to be sweet all the time or our expressions of words through phones may be duller and simpler than the ones now that is filled with emoticons, that’s normal. But we need to know that we need to always make time and also make sure each feel cherished and appreciated, no matter how little the gesture is, trust me, it goes a very long way. But I am sure we can do it. If we can beat the distance now, there is nothing that we cannot overcome in the future. #countingthedays #bestthinginmylife #3years

Oh well. 2 more weeks till I hold you in my arms. Cant wait to see you. :*

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Written by Kiaos

November 2, 2014 at 5:00 pm

Posted in Life

He Will Make It

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I have had the privileges of growing up in a family where I pay frequent visits to my maternal grandparents ever since I could remember. Growing up. My grandpa has always been a jolly and mischievous man, fooling around with me as I grow.

I am not going to lie. I started from liking to fool around with him, to annoyed with him, lost touch with him to finally coming to realisation in my process of growing up. When I was younger, it was always fun to play around with him when I was a kid, he was always so full of shit and got all the tricks up his sleeves to make me laugh or just to annoy me. When went to primary school, i started to be annoyed by him, all the teasing and hide and seek doesnt interest me anymore, i was more concerned with my new playboy at the time. As time passes he stopped annoying me all together, maybe he realised that I have grown up and no longer have interest in his ways of entertainment, or was it because he is getting old and I am too busy to realise it?

This brings me to my third phase of growing up with him, the losing touch phase. Fresh into High school, coming from a small town, I was bombarded with all sort of new things in life, friends, activities, tuitions, and the list goes on. I had no interest or whatsoever to go home to my parents during the weekends, let alone my grandparents.

As my high school life progresses, comes the final phase of my growing up with him, The Realisation, It was a point in my life that I am solely focussed on my social circles, I have no time for my families, and suddenly, everything fell apart. And then it hit me that when all else fails, family will always be there for you, they have always been there for us, so often and so naturally that we have take them for granted. I still remember the night when my mother drove me home from a event at a friend’s, “阿公婆婆都已经老了,你有时间就要多点陪他们,现在不陪,以后都不知道有没有机会” she said to me, I could hear that she was trying hard not to cry. All she wanted was her son to spend more time with her parents, so her parents could feel that they are appreciated and loved by their grandson.

It hit me like a train. I was neglecting everything that was important in my life, I was selfish and I felt tears running down my cheek. Ever since then, I have been trying to spend as much time as possible with them as I could although my social life remained busy, I knew that no matter how busy I was, I will always make time to take them out for breakfast and take my grandpa on a stroll to his favourite fried noodle in Manjung. I also realised that I was the eldest grandchildren in my mother’s family, I have noticed that my younger cousins are all going through what I went through, the 4 phases of growing up with their jolly old grandpa. I know that grandpa loves them very much as I have seen him messes with them the way he messed with me as they are growing up. I assumed that most of them are in phase 3 now, the younger ones, maybe phase 2.

Grandpa is now down with suspected lung cancer in the hospital, he is 88 this year, chemotherapy is not recommended, my parents aunties and uncles decided to skip the scanning all together and stick with natural healing and traditional chinese medicine, which I personally think it is the best remedy for him. It all came too sudden, he was well and just visited me in Melbourne just 7 months back. Ever since that day when I realised I must spend more time with him, which I have been, every time when I am talking on the car with him and when he tells me about his life experience and somehow funny life lessons, when I see the sparks in his face and the smile because he is happy that I am willing to listen and talk to him, I have always been positive that he will be there for my wedding, or even see my first child born. Because he is always so energetic and young for his age. At this point, that not very far future is not looking so promising, I however, keep my faith and believing that he will fight and get through this.

Received a phonecall from dad not long ago, grandpa talked to me on the phone, just a week back, I was talking to him as well, he sounded much energetic, today what I hear was just mumbling,though I must say he is still energetic, I do not know, was it him or was it the oxygen tube in his mouth that made his speech hard to grasp? To be honest,I fear for the worst. So I facebook messaged my yonger cousin who is now 17

Me : 有没有去看阿公?有时间的话,多一点陪他

Him : today don hv and k

Me : 阿公其实很疼你们几个的,知道吗?

Him : 知道..

Me : 知道就好,有时间就去陪阿公. 看有什么可以帮阿公或者大姨. 我知道你长大了. you know what to do

Him : ok

I burst into tears after I talked to him, I dont know why, maybe because of the little cousin I thought was still in phase 3 has after all come to realisation. Or maybe when I said “阿公其实很疼你们几个的,知道吗?” I knew i was talking about myself as well, and it gives me comfort that my little cousin realises that. Maybe I just couldn’t stand the thought of possibly losing him. I have so much more that I want him to experience. I am thankful that I was able to spend many quality time with him before I went abroad to study and during breaks when I am back. He never said he loved me. but I know. I will always be his first grandchild and his favourite.

阿公,你要好起来. Remember you said you will come to Australia again when I can afford to buy an Audi and go on a roadtrip again in Australia? Get well. Be Strong. I have never even brought my girlfriend back to see you before as well. There are so many things I want you to experience.  I will see you in 1 week.

Always Jolly & Mischievous (:

Always Jolly & Mischievous (:

Written by Kiaos

June 26, 2014 at 9:21 pm

Posted in Life

Midnight Food for Thought

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Came home from work today. “Bruna the Surfer Girl” was showing on tv.

Had my late dinner(lamb tortilla) and I sat down to watch the moive.

It is a movie about a girl who has a low esteem who rebelled at an age of 17 and went out to be a prostitute and then a call girl. She became successful in what she does by blogging her daily life and experiences with her customers, and soon she became a sensation throughout the nation of Brazil. Like every star that rises, there is always a downfall, she got lost in the high life and got hook on drugs”

I turned off the tv when the movie was at the part where she got hooked with coke. I just couldnt bear to finish the movie. Just like the Liam Neeson movie, “Ransom”. I couldn’t sleep after I watch it. It was. realistic. 

I guess I am a guy who likes happy endings in movies. But deep down inside, I know I couldnt bear watching all those movie is because I know that thousands of people are experiencing that in their life daily. THAT is the world that we are living in. There is no superhero there to save the day. Everything is not all pretty and perfect. The thought of that sends a chill down my spine. Although I am the lucky top 30% of the world’s population, but living in this world like this, it bothers me that my girlfriend and my families is thousand miles away from me, it is just terrifying not knowing what might possibly happen to them.

Having said that, there really isnt much that we can do about it. Tell our loved ones to be alert and safe and hope for the best. Because worrying will only make life difficult for yourself. I should really stop watching movies like these. I am in for a sleepless night I supposed. :/

P.S. 2 more papers to go and I am acting like I’ve finished all my exams. FFS. 

2 more weeks till I hold you in my arms again. and 2 more weeks till I see grandpa. Never been homesick this badly throughout my life studying abroad. I guess it is true that people change and people change you. #countingthedays

Written by Kiaos

June 15, 2014 at 11:04 pm

Posted in Life

Tagged with

5 years

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The last time I logged in I was doing it from my computer in the small town of Pantai Remis in Malaysia.
And Here I am after 5 years. Logging in from Melbourne Australia.

5 years ago. I was talking about my dream of going overseas to pursue my further education.
5 years has gone by, I am now living my dream.

5 years ago, I was 80 kgs at the prime of my fitness
5 years has gone by, here I am clocking in at 100kgs with a pants that barely fits

5 years ago, I didnt know how to love, I was foolish, I was young, all I cared is about myself.
5 years has gone by, I know myself better now to know that I need love myself first before I can love others, I am wiser now and I am still learning how to love.

5 years ago, I was a young boy who think that the world is mine to conquer, I was optimistic I was energetic
5 years has gone by, the world has taught me many lessons, What once thought easily achievable 5 years ago is not that easy after all. One can be ambitious, but only through persistence and actions only you will be able to succeed.

5 years ago, I had no worries, I lived free and wild. I made it the time of my life. Never have I regretted it.
5 years has gone by, responsibilities and pressures starts to kick in, I am lost and yet I am hopeful.

5 years ago, I thought I have found the love of my life, I weeped and cried for her. I went out of my way for her. To have my heart broken at last.
5 years has gone by, here I am, reunited with someone who I never, even in my wildest dream would have expected to come back to me. Life is indeed full of surprises. This perhaps is one of my life’s best surprises.

5 years ago, I was so certain that If I have a chance to study in Australia. I will definitely stay here and never to return to Malaysia.
5 years has gone by, now I ask myself, is the grass really greener on the other side?

5 years ago, I was the center of attention, the wild one, the outspoken one, the different one.
5 years has gone by, I am merely a passer by, getting through everyday chores.

5 years ago, I am me.
5 years has gone by, am I the same? I guess not.

Time is indeed a funny thing. What seemed so important yesterday, someone who you once held dear the day before, they are mere object and passer by today.

I looked back in this 5 years. I have no regret.

Those who have come and passed. Thank you for the experience.

Those of you who have come and stayed. I will cherish every moment with all of you. Making the best out of it.

To my family. I wished that I was around more. But I know that I tried my best to be around.

And to you. 你若不放手,我一定坚持 (:

Truth is. I just want to go home.

执子之手,与子偕老

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3 years overseas, Never wanted to be home as bad as I want to now.

1 more month to go. I just want to go home..

Written by Kiaos

June 5, 2014 at 7:49 pm

Posted in Life

Just another End of Year Post.

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Well, what the hell. another has pass and we’re moving on to a new one. This year has been a real dramatic year for me. learned a lot things that i supposed i can make use of it in life later. and makes friends that i know i can trust and have for life. thats the best part of it. Honestly. this year ended pretty different from what i thought it will be at the begining of the year. Anyway, screw that. life’s full of surprise aint it? =). holiday is coming to an end. well. i guess i definitely got some experience during this holiday. i went to work. earn some pocket money. good thing. i got my display card for my computer. finished Call Of Duty Campaign. i actually finished everythin i planned for my holiday apart from my diving courses and life saving courses. and also my Interact Carnival Project.. LOL. I think it’s gonna be a rough year ahead of us. With the hardship sure brings along many laughter and ought and for most. Memories. for us to hold on to when we leave school. With this post. i would like to say to all of you.

‘Don’t Look Back and Mourn about what You didn’t do, but, Look To The Future and Tell Yourself, What I’m going to Do.’

I’ll just ‘KISS'(Keep It Short and Swift). no emo talks this year. I’m just gonna proudly say, my 2009 didn’t gone to waste. i’ve made full use of it. doing What i Want to Do. =). With this.

Adios, 2009! Howdy, 2010! C=. Take care everyone. Happy New Year.

P.S. : Cc thinks i should disband my blog. goddamnit. too lazy and really ran out of topic to upload. xD.

till here.

-Kiaos Tan-

Written by Kiaos

December 31, 2009 at 7:38 pm

Posted in Life

Holiday.

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Just another holiday. i’ve not been updating my blog since like, forever. jesus. ==. sorry. for that. guys. okay. what is up for holiday… i’ll list it down on the next post. it will be up by next week. and the Hong Kong trip post too. Check my blog next week. =). Till here. anyway. those of you wanna pick up a holiday part time job. i’ll tell you what. go screw yourself. that’s the last thing you will wanna do. ==.

Written by Kiaos

December 1, 2009 at 11:44 pm

Posted in Life